I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
