You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
