i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
