Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
