she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
