this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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