I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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