there's paper in my vomit.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Randomize
