Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
