You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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