there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
