We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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