Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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