How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
