he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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