i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
