If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
