I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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