Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
