I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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