how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
