you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants