you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
that's not how you spell hell yes.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.