therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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