At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"