My friends, they love my intelligence
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!