i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Randomize
