Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
