you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
