She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
we're making bets on your personal life
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
