you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
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he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
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Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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