I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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