I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
