Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Can't talk, ducks in the car
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
