Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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