You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I want her autograph on my taint
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize
