Well apparently he's into motor boating.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
