Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Randomize
