If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
