I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I am naked and annoyed.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
