guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I intend to get homeless drunk
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
pray to the hookup gods
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
