God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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