respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
