Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
