Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
