Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
