East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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