ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Randomize
