So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
