I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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