i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
