It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
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