god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Let's get the cat blown out
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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