Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
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I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
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I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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