So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
