She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
