Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
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