if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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