Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize
