that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
