This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Alive.
So much puke
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
