Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
