Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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