Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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