I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
