No stitches, just platelets and will power
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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