No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
