im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
