The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
