But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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