I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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