he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
