she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
